it's brave to be vulnerable

American society has never made it easy to be vulnerable. The American ethos of manifest destiny pervades even to this day in a military that outspends the rest of the world by a significant degree. This show-of-force mentality trickles down to how we are taught to handle ourselves and our emotions. The prevailing idea is that we must always project strength and keep all vulnerabilities to ourselves. You will find no shortage of self-help content that suggests we don't be too vulnerable with others, lest this vulnerability be taken advantage of.

Refusing to be vulnerable because of the mere possibility that it might be taken advantage of further disconnects us from potential relationships and community. This all-or-nothing approach is something that I have struggled with for some time. I felt hesitant to be vulnerable due to past instances where it seemed like my vulnerability only distanced me from the people that I sought connection with. Conversely, never being vulnerable felt like I was presenting an inauthentic and sterile version of myself to the world. I came to understand that the issue wasn't vulnerability in of itself. The crux of the issue was a mismatch between what my expectation was in sharing my vulnerabilities (which was often poorly communicated) and the ability and willingness of the receiver to meet that expectation. To be clear, this isn't necessarily the fault of the receiver. I very much needed to be more gentle in the way I communicated my vulnerabilities and discerning of who I was vulnerable with.

One of the primary barriers against vulnerability is communication. Many of us are not taught healthy ways to share our vulnerabilities, the feelings underlying them, and what we would like the person listening to them to do after hearing them. As a result, our vulnerabilities are often expressed in ways that leave the listener hurt, confused, or defensive, which further reinforces the notion that we should keep our vulnerabilities to ourselves. Consequently, when we keep our vulnerabilities to ourselves, the greater the chance becomes that they eventually burst forth in an unhealthy way. This can create a vicious cycle for people who have difficulty or fear sharing their vulnerabilities yet yearn for them to be acknowledged.

Given this hostile enviornment for such emotions, being vulnerable is an act of bravery. It's brave to be direct about your needs, your insecurities, and your desires, knowing that there is a possibility that doing so will make someone else uncomfortable. The world that I want to live in is one where are able to express our vulnerabilities to one another and truly feel heard. While I can stand to be more discerning with who I share my vulnerabilities with, I refuse to shrink away from sharing them due to past encounters that have gone poorly. Rather than become more introverted from these events, I choose to view these situations as lessons for how to share my vulnerabilities going forward. If I share my vulnerabilties in a way that is direct and inoffensive, then I can be unburdened by any discomfort that it creates. After all, the inability of a person to hold space for my vulnerabilities is more of a reflection of them than it is of me. Keeping this in mind allows me to be more willing to practice this act of bravery and better equipped to handle the reaction when I do.